Each year during May and June, I preach a sermon series on family relationships. In all my sermons, I base what I say on the Bible, not simply on what may be the current wisdom on a “hot topic’ at the time. Having said that, the fact that 50% of all marriages in the USA, even the marriages among Christians, end in divorce should alarm all of us. That is why I choose this particular approach for this year’s series on relationships. I want to help people stay happily married.
This year’s sermon series made use of the book, Love Busters by William Harley (Fleming H. Revel, 2002). Harley is a psychologist and Christian marriage counselor. In the book, he cataloged and described six destructive habits that destroy the love between spouses. The six habits are (1) making selfish demands of your spouse, (2) expressing disrespectful judgments of your spouse, (3) exploding in angry outbursts, when the first two tactics do not get your way, (4) dishonesty toward your spouse about your feelings, personal failings, daily activities, and future plans, (5) not changing annoying habits that drive your spouse to distraction, and (6) independent behavior, i.e., He has his friends, activities, and interests. She has her friends, activities, and interests, but the married couple does not have their friends, activities, and interests. They live independently of one another. The key word here is habits. A single event may not so devastating, but when these six events become habits and occur repeatedly, the damage may become irreparable.
In my sermon series, I look at the “love busters” from a biblical perspective. What does God say about selfishness, about being disrespectful of others, etc. I also sought to apply the destructive habits not only to the marriage relationship, but to all of life’s relationships. These six issues if unchecked will destroy any relationship.
I hope to have the sermons and study notes posted on the sermon podcast later this week. You can access the sermons from the Holly Grove Baptist Church home page by clicking on the “Sermon Player” at the bottom of the HGBC home page or you can point your web browser to www.sermon.net/fredcampbellministries.
Thanks for your prayers and encouragement. My prayer is that God will use these messages for His glory and for your benefit.
This blog article was originally posted at myspace.com/fvcdmin on Tuesday April 22, 2008. I did an interpretation of the entire book by John Maxwell on that website, if you would like to read it.
The fifth star in “a five-star life” is influence.
I’ve been walking you through Becoming a Person of Influence by John Maxwell and Dornan. Let me try to wrap up the issue of influence in “a five-star life.”
The last two ways to make a positive impact on others and the world around us are: empowering others and multiply yourself.
First some requirements.
To empower someone, you must be an authority figure to them. Parents, teachers, a supervisor, etc. Folks with authority in people’s lives either grant permission for success or withhold it.
To empower someone, relationship is required. See the earlier post’s section about “connecting with people.” To develop positive influencers, evaluate them by their best not by their worst moments.
To empower others, you have to have mutual respect.
So we want the people we know to make the most of their work, homes, and their lives. How do we do it?
Maxwell and Dornan give the step by step:
-evaluation: What do they know? How well do they perform their taks? Do they want to do well or are they satisfied with less?
-demonstration: “Monkey see, monkey do” is not just about how children behave. We all do that. If you want something done right, then show how it looks to do it right. We are all better at imitating what we see than we are at reading or even following the instructions.
-express high expectations, tell them that they can do it, and keep moving the goal posts. This not only recognizes their accomplishments, it stretches them to keep growing.
bBack up their decisions.. This means giving someone not only the responsibility for a project, but giving them the freedom to actually get it done. You put it in their hands and don’t second guess or countermand them. This will work for growing up responsible children as well as for developing more competent adults.
-have an enthronement ceremony. What I mean is, let it be known in the family or in the company: “I know he/she can do this and I am behind them on it 100%.” This is not the time to keep your expectations and confidences a private matter between you and the person you are cultivating.
-be a mentor not a slave driver. Someone has said that “a kick in the seat of the pants and a pat on the back are not physically far apart, but there is a world of difference in the way they make you feel.” Private feedback and encouragement will be needed. You want to help them see how to succeed not tell them every reason why they aren’t.
-When you feel they are ready, let them fly solo. Just like teaching a child to walk or ride a bike, the time comes when you take your hands away and let them do it on their own. That is what empowerment is all about.
The last stage of making a positive impact on others is to multuply yourself. Every one of us will someday move off the stage of life. Like the George Jones’ country song asks, “Who’s gonna fill their shoes?” The answer is: Nobody, if you do not cultivate others to take your place. That is what multiplying yourself means, cultivating others who will make a positive impact on others. The good news is: You do not have to wait until the end to take advantage of this stage.:-)
How do we cultivate others to become people who make a positive impact in life? Here are some things that Maxwell and Dornan advise, and they’re right on the money.
- In order to cultivate and help others, you have to cultivate youself. We are all the sum total of the choices we have made and the experiences we have enjoyed and endured. What we will be tomorrow depends a lot on what we make of ourselves today.
-Always be on the look-out for people whom you can cultivate. I heard years ago that the right kind of recruits for becoming positive infuences are of a special kind. These recruits need to be FAT people. No, not obese people, but F.A.T. people: Faithful people, Available people and Teachable people. The person, who multiplies himself as one who makes a positive impact on others, has to be an ever-vigilant talent scout for these F.A.T. people.
-Be a person who lives to help others. This is more than just being a “team-player.” It means “not just looking out for your own interests, but putting the interests of others above your own” (See Philippians 2:3).
Hey, the best thing to do is to get Maxwell and Dornan’s book and read it for yourself, right?
That will wrap up my series on “Five-Star Christian Living.” Next time, I want to share a series about “Heaven” that I really enjoyed preaching earlier this at Holly Grove on Sunday evenings.
Here is the book. You can click on the sermon on the sermon player on the Holly Grove Homepage to hear it or go to
This is the next installment in my series on “Five-Star Christian Living.”
Integrity is the fourth star in the constellation of a “five-star Christian life.” This quality is the glue that really holds the other four qualities together. Without integrity and good character, the other four qualities are pointless. The good news is that character and integrity are not “set in stone” at birth. Anyone can develop good character and integrity. Of course, I believe that real character and integrity can only be found in a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.
In preparation for preaching on integrity, I looked at several sources to help me expound the truths of the Scriptures. One source I searched was a listing of books about integrity.
When you look for books about integrity, you discover that they are difficult to find. One of the best books on this subject is written by Dr. Henry Cloud, Integrity: the Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality, published by Collins, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, in 2006. The book is 282 pages. Cloud is not as easy to read as Zig Ziglar or John Maxwell, even though he uses a storytelling method popular in many business related books today. Your time will be well spent in reading this book.
Before I give you a summary of how I tackled the subject of integrity in my sermon, let me highlight some insights from Henry Cloud’s book on integrity.
How do we define integrity? Most of us may think that integrity is simply honesty, decency, and the American way. Check out the definitions of “integrity” at http://www.askaword.com/, or better yet, do a google-search for “integrity.”
Integrity includes a lot more than simply honesty and decency. Cloud proposes a fuller definition. Integrity is about being a functional person in a dysfunctional world.
In Integrity, Cloud expounds on “how six essential qualities determine your success in business” and life. The title of the book summarizes the author’s perspective on integrity. It is the inner strength (courage) one needs to face life (the demands of reality). Cloud’s theme throughout the book is that one’s character and integrity are the most essential elements for success in business and in life.
My summary of Dr. Cloud’s six essential qualities (see page 35 for his listing of them) are:
1. Trust
2. Truth
3. Perseverance
4. Proactive on problems
5. Still Growing
6. Humility
The author gives three pitfalls that may be avoided by developing integrity and good character are:
1. Creating an artificial ceiling to your abilities that is short of your potential..
2. Derailing your life or career because of some obstacle or situation.
3. Losing hard-earned success by self-destructive behavior or actions.
(see page 11)
I hope your appetite is whetted for reading this book.
If you were to choose someone from the Bible who is an example of integrity, whom would you choose? Of course, Jesus Christ is the ultimate good example of anything. Some people may think that it is impossible for a human being to live up to the standard that Jesus sets for us. In many ways, I believe this to be a true statement.
I chose two other people from the Scriptures whom I believe exemplify three essential qualities of integrity, Moses and Joseph. Moses demonstrates the two essential ingredients of maturity and a true perspective on reality, while Joseph demonstrates the ingredient of a sense of accountability.
You can listen to the sermon by clicking on the link below.
This article was originally posted on my blog at www.myspace.com/fvcdmin on Wednesday August 8, 2008.
A five-star life has to have the quality of excellence. Excellence is not the same thing as perfection or compulsive perfectionism. Excellence is simply doing your best and never settling for less than doing your best in everything you attempt.
Setting the standard of excellence for living will take discipline, effort, and perhaps more of your time to ensure that you really are giving it your best.
Look at it this way. Two boys set up lemon-aide stands on the sidewalks in front of their homes. One boy has a jar of lemon-aide mix, a metal spoon, several kitchen glasses, and a pitcher of ice water. The other boy has a pitcher of iced lemon-aide with freshly-squeezed lemons floating in it and a supply of plastic cups. Whose lemon-aide do you want to buy? I think the total package of iced lemon-aide already prepared for easy delivery shows a higher standard of excellence than a jar of instant lemon-aide, don’t you?
Whatever we do there is always a quick, easy, and substandard way of doing it. There is also a way of doing it that shows excellence, forethought, and preparation. Isn’t the extra effort worth it to always do your best?
Do you want to settle for an “instant lemon-aide” life or do you want to go the extra mile and strive for excellence in living?
This article was originally posted on Thursday July 26, 2007 at www.myspace.com/fvcdmin
If your life were a car, then passion would be the engine and gasoline. Passion is what drives us to do more than we should be able to do. If your life were a car, then purpose would be the steering wheel and the road. If all you have is a passionate desire to get something good or great done, you can still “ride off in all directions at once” and accomplish nothing but frustration and dissapointment. Finding your purpose gives you a target for your life and gives you a way to measure how well you are doing in hitting that target.
There are a couple of folks (among a lot of other) that have really latched onto this whole idea of finding your purpose: Rick Warren and Laurie Beth Jones. You can look them up on Amazon.com. They have helped a lot of people find their purpose for life with their books about, what else… how to find your purpose for life.
It would be kind of crazy for a Sparrow to try to be an F-14 Jet, don’t you think? The Sparrow might have a lot of passion, but let’s face it, a Sparrow will never be an F-14. That is not what he was created to be. Your purpose in life will fit your personality, your talents, your likes and your dislikes. You could say that your purpose in life is “custom-made” for you. Once you find it, you will have no doubt about it, because you will know: “this is what I was meant to be!”
What is your purpose in life? How did you find it? Are you still searching or looking for your purpose for life?
This is the first installment of my sermons available to you by podcast. I hope to post the sermons on other media outlets and have a larger ministry through the world wide web.
The first sermon in the five-star life series is “Do you have a passion for Jesus Christ?”
As promised here is the introductory blog post originally from my myspace.com/fvcdmin blog. This post was written and first posted on July 24, 2007.
In my previous posting, I wrote about what I think makes a five-star life. Today, I want to write about “Passion.” If there is any one quality that really kick-starts your life, it has to be passion. Passion is what drives you to do what you do. A life without passion is really dull and boring.
Everybody has a passion, something that pushes all their buttons and makes them go above and beyond what is normal and humdrum. I read about a woman who had a unique passion. No, really, she had a purple house, a purple car, purple clothes, and she even had her beautician dye her hair purple. I guess she really had “a purple passion.”
What excites you and keeps you awake at night? What do you dream about while you are wide awake, imagining something really important that you want to do with your short time on earth? What makes you mad? What causes your blood to boil? When you see it happen and you know that it is not right, and that somehow something needs to change– that is passion.
If the only thing you have going on in your life is passion, you will have an interesting life, maybe even an exciting life, but it will be a one dimensional life. A life driven by passion is a one-star life. To have a five-star life, you can’t leave out the other four qualities.
What is your passion in life?
Click on the link below or copy and paste the link into your web browser window to listen to the sermon: “Do You Have a Passion for Jesus Christ?”
I am still working on getting the podcast up and going. I hope I can get it going this week. It is a only a matter of visiting on the phone with the technical guy at their web site and letting him walk me through the first podcast upload. After I upload the podcast sermon to their website, I should be able to place it directly in the blog posting for the day. I know that some of you have been patient with me as I work my way through the other demands of life and ministry, and try to take a leap out into a new direction. Keep me in your prayers.
To get ready for the sermon series on the “five-star Christian life,” here is an very short introduction to the series. I wrote this post back on July 23, 2007. This is on my myspace.com blog at www.myspace.com/fvcdmin. That site is set to private and you will probably have to “be added as a friend” to be able to read it there.
“We tend to rate almost everything. One common rating system is using five stars to indicate how good something is. If a hotel, restaurant, movie, or even a video game is really good, it is given a five-star rating. If it is not so great, the item only rates one, two, or three stars. And if it is pretty bad, it may rate only one star or even just half a star. Exactly what determines the five-star rating may not be spelled out. Most of the time, the rating is just the opinion of the user or customer without saying why they rated something the way they did.
So how many stars would you rate your life? Would you give it one star, three stars or five stars? And how do you decide what a five-star life would look like?
Here is my take on it. Five items of character make up a five-star life. If you build these five things into your mind and heart, and try to live your life guided by them, I think that anybody can live a five-star life.
The five stellar qualities are: passion, purpose, excellence, influence, and integrity. What I mean by “passion” is doing something that you deeply care about. “Purpose” is knowing what you want to do and sticking to it. “Excellence” is doing the best you can with what you have to work with. “Influence” is the positive impact your life has on other people. And “integrity” is the glue that holds the other four qualities together. Integrity means being the same person on the inside that you appear to be on the outside. So how would you rate your life? Is it five stars?
Originally posted on mySpace.com/fvcdmin on Saturday, July 07, 2007
I know that seems like a trite saying or a meaningless expression, but a lot of people are not living their lives…they are simply existing, and waiting to die.What I mean is this: Many people in our American society are so entrapped in their daily routines or mandated schedules that they are living more like robots than like human beings made in God’s image. Scripture tells us taht Jesus came to bring “abundant life” to us. Few people would look at what they have done in the past twenty-four hours and call it “abundant living.” How about you?The real inconvenient truth is that each one of us has exactly twenty-four hours every day to use as we will. I am not advocating anyone abandoning responsibility or living dangerously. I am advocating living life: spending the time we have in a way that helps others, that gives soul-satisfaction to you, and that glorifies God.
How you might ask is that possible with my schedule, responsibilities, and work load? Quite simple, actually. I learned it as a child. Maybe you did too. “Have faith, hope and charity. That’s the way to live successfully. How do I know? The Bible tells me so.” (See 1 Corinthians 13). Or another childhood gem: “Joy is putting Jesus first, others second, and yourself last.”
That may fly in the face of our hedonistic culture that promotes a self-centered, self-serving, and self-gratifying approach to personal life, family, and work.
I attended two events today: a funeral and a wedding. Both were joyous occasions. The funeral was joyous because the lady who died lived by the two childhood gems of truth quoted above. The wedding was joyous because the couple had crafted a ceremony that underscored those same truths.
Living life is not a change of venue so much as it is a change of attitude. Don’t just pass the time of day, live your life!
This week we have enjoyed the preaching of Reverend Dale Rose. Brother Rose is an evangelist from Kentucky with a unique preaching style. He makes use of visual aids in his preaching. The meetings have been well attended and many from the congregation made meaningful decisions. I will have a wrap-up of the results from the revival meetings in another blog posting, hopefully later this week. When there are extra services during the week, the days are busy with the preparations for the services each day. Sometimes opportunities arise to visit with people we would not ordinarily be able to approach. The extra services and the revival emphasis gives us an occasion to invite them to attend church with us or even to talk with them about what it means to believe in Christ.
Another wonderful event took place on Monday. My tenth grandchild was born. Caleb Aaron Fain was born on April 28th at 9:33 AM. Caleb was about a month early so his lungs are not fully developed. He has been in neonatal ICU since his birth. Pray for him that he will continue to improve and be able to leave the hospital and go home with his parents soon.
Needless to say, my plans for the podcasts of sermons and the blog postings that relate to the sermons will get pushed back a few days. I have the podcasting account set-up and I believe that I can upload the sermons to the podcast site. The blogs are already written and the sermons have already been recorded. Everything is ready. I hope to get things up and running by next week.
Thanks to all of you who have endured my sporatic postings to this blog. If you are still out there and have not given up on me, my plan is to provide you with as much content as you desire to have from me.
Over the next few weeks, I will share some blogs that I originally wrote on my my space page (www.MySpace.com/fvcdim). The blogs addressed the same subjects as the sermons preached in the morning worship services at HGBC in January, 2008. These five messages comprise what my “Living a Five-Star Christian Life” series. The sermons are also available as CD recordings upon request from the HGBC office.
Additionally, I have set up a podcast at (http://sermon.net/fredcampbellministries). You may have to do a cut and paste to make it work. I will provide you with the link in each blog posting so that you can hear the corresponding sermon if you like. I plan to do this with some of my other sermons as well.
You may have to bear with me as I am technologically challenged and getting all this to work together will be a new direction for me.
Check back and do not give up if this takes me a week or so to set up properly.
Thanks for caring about HGBC and about our ministry together.
